Tuesday, July 17, 2012
LS Camp 2012
Well I was late cos we had to report early and I was still tying up some loose ends. I'll never forget the feeling of uncertainty when the freshies entered the lt and I was sitting there wondering which ones were mine. Anw it was not very hard to spot cos they were all wearing yellow. I had prepared yellow arm bands for all of them initially, but they didn't come to use in the end. Anw, the first day was spent playing games, and awkward silences. I should have thought of more cheers beforehand, end up our og only got a few cheers while other og got so many cheers. Anw had dry games and night games on the first day, then slept in the super cold lt, until I woke up at 3.15am and couldn't bear it anymore, I decided to take a walk outside to warm up.
The next day woke up, ate breakfast and then was the specialisation talk. Informative but a bit boring, prolly cos everyone was tired. Moved on to the wet games haha, and then prep for finale night. Had quite some fun during the prep and aft finale night everyone was kinda high and we stayed up to play cheat, ordered supper frm ameen, played other games like ninja warrior, roti prata with rasbora, then played virus n sweated a lot haha. Aft tt some others decided to slp for 2 hrs before waking up at 7am to pack things. 4 of us who decided not to slp decided to play bridge. Achievement unlocked! For not slping for one day!
Aft that had breakfast, everyone was tired. Even aft reaching lt32 to prepare to go sentosa, everyone was napping haha. But it was raining when we reached sentosa and aft waiting for a while, we decided to go play our games aft all. Had fun, and I was dunked! Lol not the real dunking though, just carried me and plopped into the water, at least I didn't wet my hair at the top haha. Prolly cos I can't swim and if it were to go overhead I'll panic. Quite a cool exp cos aft tt I didn't care abt using my clothes to fill the pail cos I was wet anw. Won tug of war twice! Surprised cos the other team had 2 guys, although we had one more person. Frisbee became monkey instead haha.
Awesome freshies I have despite me being a not so high ogl. Thalassina! Haha happy that they managed to bond and knew more abt sch. Enjoy ur uni life!
Anw back to the camp, in the end went to change and dry up before heading to vivo for lunch. And then to outram to hand camp things over to mom, and trained back to harbourfront to go kent ridge to go sch for guitar.
Well, couldn't really keep up with ensemble cos I didn't prac a lot during the days I wasn't at camp, actually my main reason to go is cos I wanna prac the cowbell. Aft tt went for dinner at utown italiano, B said I have the post-camp aura lol. Racked our brains over some coin games that HS came out with and gt gelato treat frm p and vp. Thks! ^^ Achievement unlocked for not sleeping for more than 30 hrs! (Acc to BT)
I'll post abt pnn in the next post. Now my feet still hurt from the sentosa sand lol. I can't feel anything with my left big toe, it's numb. Hope my feet will heal soon, and I'm so much darker now! Slipper tan lines are like super pronounced. Ok off to prac my instruments and do guitar stuffs! Matric fair is coming soon!
Labels: holidays2012, School
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
While waiting for my hair to dry....
Spent the afternoon at cfa doing matric fair poster and flyer with partner! Ended up watching documentary about lions while waiting for the rest to finish their meeting so that we can go dinner tgt. Lions are v cute! Anw it was the first prac for cp tonight, and I'm in guitar 4! Well, I wouldn't have chosen this part cos I need to down tune the last string to D, and that messes up the fingering on the last string, which adds onto the chaos and panic that I'm feeling inside cos I can't read bass notes very well. But I thought it is a challenge and very good exposure cos I'm only playing bass notes for one song only, so if I don't like it, it's still one song only. Considering that my aim is to try guitarron (not likely to materialise) in the future, in addition to the fact that this part seem "easier" than the rest (Idk for sure, I just feel this way), I'll just give it a shot!
But the prob lies not in the bass notes, the score is manageable (not so many chords) but there doesn't seem to be a distinct tune or melody :/ I thought it sounds a bit messy, hmmm, not like the other songs we play in ensemble. Maybe that's the composer's style, I'll google him when I'm free.
While waiting for my hair to dry, I've typed so much above. But, the main purpose of this post, is to put into words, how grateful I am to be able to join a musical group with ZERO music background, in UNIVERSITY. It suddenly dawned on me, that all the other juniors who were accepted into guitar, be it workshop or not, have some music background. They either play other instruments, or have already experimented with the guitar. Most of those who don't have any music background are rejected. I'm one of the lucky few who got in. All thanks to WH (I think).
I rmb the wait aft the audition, at first I was kind of indifferent towards being able to get in or not, but it turned into anxiety after WH got her acceptance email. Cos we wanted to get into the same cca. And I was wondering if they will take in a beginner like me :/ who has a phobia of reading musical scores (lol I think I still have a lil bit of it) I was overjoyed (and relieved) when I got the acceptance email, anxiety gone, and ready to take on the realm of music! Haha no, I've always wanted to play in an orchestra (I still do), they sound so majestic! But I'm scared of reading complicated scores haha. But I don't want to keep reading simple scores only, make me feel like a beginner, no, more of like a noob (worst than beginner). So I contradict myself lol. Anw, now thinking back about it, I'm really lucky to get in! Since I don't have any music background (cannot count the primary school recorder experience) I most likely will get the boot, I think it could be due to WH (wa great influence haha). I was joking about the influence part, but I think maybe A thought WH was a good player and wanted to keep her, so he should keep her friend (aka me) too, so that WH will stay on or smth. Idk if it's true, it's just my guess, but I think God brought me here. I wanted a change, away from drama, I wanted to join a musical group (or sports group haha, anything but drama). For a beginner like me who has only picked up the instrument that same year, and still not very good at it, chances of getting into the cca at university level is probably as slim as an underweight person (can't think of good examples at night). So I'm very happy and grateful where I am now. Guitar has fulfilled many dreams of mine: To be part of a musical group, to be part of the comm (I've always wanted to be in the comm during my drama days, but sadly never got in, which contributed to the disappointment in the earlier drama), to make friends and feel really happy and proud to be in my cca (a feeling that I've never had since very long ago ;( ) and feel like I really love my cca (yea I really love guitar now, can't imagine how my life would be without it <3). Thank you God for bringing me here, thank you WH for teaching me guitar (if not I can't even get in -.-). I really thank my lucky stars that I got into uni and got into this cca. I really hope that it will not follow the path of drama, and end up becoming the reason for my tears. And to think I almost decided not to stay, after WH left the cca. There were many times when I felt like leaving, like most of the time I'm alone, like many times I can't play well and others have alrdy mastered the whole song. So tempting to quit becos I don't want to feel inferior. "Give me 5 years, or 6 years, and I'll be like them too." was what I thought to myself many times. But if I quit, then I'll just be delaying my own improvement, I probably won't be so motivated to practise, maybe even give in to procrastination (cos no concert pieces to practise). I'll also be giving up the chance to play together with others, back to square one with regards to my orchestra dream. I'm glad that one day I might fulfil this dream, becos of my decision to take up an additional instrument.
Anw my hair is somewhat dry now, so I'll conclude this post. Tmr still need to do a lot of things to prepare for the camp, some moments ago I was still very panicky and insecure, but now I feel more prepared and more confident. Believe in yourself! I need to feel more confident in speaking and socialising, more confident in guitar playing, and more confident in my academics and abilities. Go for the mods that I want to take! Go for the the events that I want to go! Go for the things in life that I'm after!
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, thoughts about my life
Monday, July 9, 2012
悔 - Drama
Life is full of regrets. Something that I have been trying hard to avoid, but it seems the more I try, the easier I end up making decisions that I regret. Right now, regretting and regretting. How I wish I won't be bothered by them.
从来没有想过，或料到，曾经深爱，热衷于的戏剧，居然会成为我今生的一大遗憾。我以为我会一直对戏剧充满热忱，以前是这样，今后也如此。那时我把戏剧当作我的生命，认为因为有了它，所以我的生活如此五彩缤纷，也很高兴圆了自己的演员梦。虽然我已认定以后我不会从事与戏剧相关的工作，但我相信它将会是我毕生的热忱，业余的爱好。
说实话，我还是很爱演戏的。一直告诉自己，我已经对戏剧死心了，但我不想欺骗自己。所以我想，我对中文戏剧还是有一份感情的，虽然当年有遗憾，但是也有开心的时候。
因该是两年前的失望，让我决定今生与舞台剧绝缘。English drama I mean. 我也不想骗自己，不想再告诉自己至少我有获益，可能获益的地方在于看清自己根本不适合english drama。也认清了， english drama and chinese drama are two different things. Some english drama are hard to comprehend, like that time I went to watch that show with the rest of drama peeps at Esplanade. Tbh I don't understand a single thing, even till this day. The synopsis helped a bit, if not I would not even know what is going on. I realised that, this cca is not for me, when I saw how the teachers were amazed and full of praises for the show, which, to me, is totally not worth the money (I had to spend $35 on that!!!! I wouldn't go if nt for the rest of the club gng) and I don't understand what the heck they were doing and saying. This reminds me of the incident in sec 1 or 2, when the school made us go to some chinese drama show. A weird storyline I rmb, smth like some students forcing a teacher to hand over the keys to the vault holding the exam answers and the teacher refused, and the students went to extreme measures, one of which I rmbed was faking a rape scene btwn 2 students, and the teacher gave in, then she committed suicide (thanks to reading the prog booklet). I think the show's called qing chun jing ji you xi. Anw I thought the storyline was kinda weird... and exaggerated. My point of view as a chinese drama member. Anw the director got angered by us, cos some students were making noises throughout the performance and not respecting the performance. The director got so angry that he refused to go on stage during curtain call. I think some members of the public gt angry with us (I mean the other students who make noise, I'm v guai ok) too and cant rmb if they scolded us. I think one of them stood up and scolded us at the end. But hey! We didn't want to go (the school made us), and tbh, I wouldn't go on my own, cos the storyline's kinda not the type of perf that I will wanna watch. But I did respect the perf and behaved like a gd audience should, cos I was from chinese drama then, and I was supporting my "fellow chinese drama actors" lol.
Anw, I guess I'm still ok with chinese drama now. But not english drama. I've never had a gd impression of english drama during sec sch times, tbh, they always seem to be "slacking", like nth much to do lol. But I always thought I should respect them, cos they were my "brothers in drama" lol. The impression stayed till jc, and I think nth much has changed, prolly they unlocked the achievement of being "last minute". Maybe I compared el drama to cl drama, in cl drama it's always busy busy busy. I felt really proud as a cl drama member back then and always wore my collar pin in lower sec, but I took down my collar pin in sec 3 and 4. Haiz.
Everytime I see an el drama production, like that time we went to fetch my sis when she went to watch twelfth night at fort canning, I always feel a pain. A regret. And I would look at the actors on stage, and envy them for being in the cast, that I was never a part of, but had so much wanted to be in. My main reason for joining el drama, even after I decided to change track after sec 4. I feel like bashing myself. 为什么我那么不争气？明明誓言不再加入戏剧，却又食言，落得一场遗憾。The regret of never being able to act on stage, after deciding to give another shot at drama, el drama, will stay. No thoughts of giving another try agn, the process is too painful. And I realise I don't understand el drama. Which prolly adds into the equation which landed me here now. Away from drama. Away from disappointments.
自从我加入guitar以后，我时不时都会回想起以前在 el drama and 戏剧的日子，然后就会问自己，我那些年到底在干什么？6年，在戏剧的6年，蹉跎了多少岁月。6年，我可以成为一个不错的 guitarist 了。而我现在，只是一个一事无成的人。这些年，我为戏剧掉过多少泪，又有谁知道，有谁在乎。
既然已经发生了，也没什么好说的了。但是，如果时间可以倒流，我可以重来一次，我一定不会做当时的决定。我宁愿戏剧永远是个梦，也不要它成为一个无法磨灭的遗憾。可惜，我再也回不去了。只剩下眼泪，和无尽的。。。悔。
Labels: thoughts about my life
Stuffs of July
Went for ls prep camp last mon and tues. Haiz regret not gng for scamp or union camp now! Anw it's not like I expected a lot from this camp, but oh well. Hmm I don't think the total number of people could form one og, maybe can squeeze out a small one haha. But anw it was ok la, I especially like to travel arnd NUS at night haha, be it night games or bathing. Like to explore the dark side of my schools (which reminds me, I haven had a camp in tj yet! Overnight camp I mean) but oh well it's too late! Ok enough talking abt regrets, anw I'm the only ogl for my og, which has 10 ppl as of now. Gotta go think of ice-breakers to last for 3 hours!! Gosh. Anw must try for scamp or uc next year, at least once before I grad! Hopefully doesn't clash with internship or anything I'm gng to have then.
Have loads of things to do before gng for the camp: matric fair stuffs and other guitar stuffs (gonna take up the bulk of time), module planning (time to think of how to have enough time to overload and study and get my desired cap, and balancing all my other commitments), practising cowbell cos the 15 jul gig is coming soon (hopefully can fix my rhythm, don't wanna ruin everyone's playing cos of my lousy playing; I do want to try percussions in the future), ls camp stuffs like designing the og logo, thinking of cheers and ice breakers, blah blah (this the first time I've come across a camp that require the ogls to do so much, and thrs only 1 ogl per og). Tbh I feel inadequately prepared for this, I don't wanna appear flustered and end up giving the freshies a bad experience. There doesn't seem to be enough time to do an identity too, haiz I'll see what comes along. Damn, I should stop regretting my decisions and just pull through until the next time I need to make a decision agn, then I'll consider carefully. And stop being so easily influenced!!! Argh I hate this trait of me. So easily influenced. Regretted so many things because of this. ARGH!!!!!!!
Anw, away from sad things, there're my instruments! <3 Progressed to slurs in violin lesson today, I think I'm doing ok so far, but still far from expectations cos the sounds I produce are horrible and I wouldn't really consider them music. But hey, my fingerings are more accurate without looking! ^^ The sound from my teacher's violin and my violin are really miles apart. Looking forward to having my professional violin one day (but that's gng to be expensive so not in the near future I guess). No violin lesson next week, thankfully, cos I'll just break camp on sat and prolly gng to guitar aftwards (should I go? But I'll be tired and din really prac a lot lol), so thrs prolly not much time for me to prac my violin too. Switching frequency to guitar, I think I need to prac more and start to train my muscle memory, especially for WC, since it's mostly chords. And then thr's the comm piece, whr I'll be playing bass. Zomg! Bass!! Haha sommore nid to down tune guitar. Prolly cannt sightread alrdy haha. Sevilla is still giving me headaches, must quickly resolve before other songs come, and juniors come in. Oh ho! Matric fair! Haha kinda looking forward to it. Looking forward to welcome tea too, hehe. But not looking forward to bidding lol. I hope I get my psych mods, if not I will fight till the end for them!!!
Ok, better start using my time wisely now. No time to lose!!
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, School, violin
Sunday, July 1, 2012
It's July!
It's July already! My fingertips are hurting and peeling from sectionals haha. And it hurt so much when I tried to practice violin just now. So fast it's July already! Means matric fair is coming! Haha looking forward to meeting new juniors! And I'm kinda excited for the ls camp too hahaha.
Sectionals today, but started the day with assembling our road signs and ended up late for sectionals :x oops haha. Received new score WC today. So many chords!! Hahaha almost the entire score is chords la haha how to sightread. Progressed quite a lot for Sevilla haha, but I'm still lagging. And talking about lagging, I was lagging for the cowbells :( And went through Spring as an ensemble today, can't really hear myself, can only hear the altos. Lol, maybe cos I'm sitting next to them. Dunno to be sad or happy that I'm not in alto this sem. Haiz just can't help but think about this issue every now and then. Haiz. Hope it will go away soon and who knows, I may find greener pastures in prime lol.
After practice stayed back a little to do matric fair stuff. Poor B is sick, hope she gets well soon! And then went to eat dinner with pres and vice pres at utown italiano haha. I think utown italiano is a nicer name. Haha, anw, ordered some bolognese thing even though I don't like tomato. Turned out dry and tomato-ish, had a hard time trying to finish it up. Left most of the meat in the end and ate the pasta haha. Don't like the meat. Should have just ordered my pizza right. Next time I will do just that. Despite the pizza being more expensive than the pasta and to me the difference is not justified. But I should eat happily rite. After that went to order ice cream. Caramel! <3 So sweet but yet some parts taste/ smell plastic-y. Still prefer the caramel and biscuit or smth from HD. It shall be one of my motivation to work hard and earn more money. Haha.
Ok finished talking about today, oh no, it's "yesterday" already lol. First day of July will be spent on violin, packing and getting ready for ls prep camp. And sending the matric fair collaterals to the relevant ppl for their opinions. And thinking how to hand in the matric fair forms. And hoping I can prac my guitar a little before going off to camp. WC! Haha I love cats ^^ Meow!
Finally submitted the form to indicate my interest for an accommodation in school next AY. Was pondering whether I should stay in school, since I have violin now and I would be putting a lot of things on my plate. But it's a once in a lifetime experience that I once yearned so much for, despite being so expensive lol, and probably not worth it if I look at monetary terms. $2k for 1 sem! Plus travelling costs cos I have violin. Should I stop violin? But I don't want to put it off le. And sommore I want to overload, clear my mods so I can take psych minor. Plus that gem that I s/ued. And guitar pracs! And pub stuffs! Hahaha. I guess excellent time management is the answer. I'm not confident of that, I've been procrastinating lol. Well, no harm trying. We'll see if I manage to get in and what plans God has for me. I really hope to be able to get in! Preferred one pls. Haha.
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, School, violin
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
LS Camp 2012
Well I was late cos we had to report early and I was still tying up some loose ends. I'll never forget the feeling of uncertainty when the freshies entered the lt and I was sitting there wondering which ones were mine. Anw it was not very hard to spot cos they were all wearing yellow. I had prepared yellow arm bands for all of them initially, but they didn't come to use in the end. Anw, the first day was spent playing games, and awkward silences. I should have thought of more cheers beforehand, end up our og only got a few cheers while other og got so many cheers. Anw had dry games and night games on the first day, then slept in the super cold lt, until I woke up at 3.15am and couldn't bear it anymore, I decided to take a walk outside to warm up.
The next day woke up, ate breakfast and then was the specialisation talk. Informative but a bit boring, prolly cos everyone was tired. Moved on to the wet games haha, and then prep for finale night. Had quite some fun during the prep and aft finale night everyone was kinda high and we stayed up to play cheat, ordered supper frm ameen, played other games like ninja warrior, roti prata with rasbora, then played virus n sweated a lot haha. Aft tt some others decided to slp for 2 hrs before waking up at 7am to pack things. 4 of us who decided not to slp decided to play bridge. Achievement unlocked! For not slping for one day!
Aft that had breakfast, everyone was tired. Even aft reaching lt32 to prepare to go sentosa, everyone was napping haha. But it was raining when we reached sentosa and aft waiting for a while, we decided to go play our games aft all. Had fun, and I was dunked! Lol not the real dunking though, just carried me and plopped into the water, at least I didn't wet my hair at the top haha. Prolly cos I can't swim and if it were to go overhead I'll panic. Quite a cool exp cos aft tt I didn't care abt using my clothes to fill the pail cos I was wet anw. Won tug of war twice! Surprised cos the other team had 2 guys, although we had one more person. Frisbee became monkey instead haha.
Awesome freshies I have despite me being a not so high ogl. Thalassina! Haha happy that they managed to bond and knew more abt sch. Enjoy ur uni life!
Anw back to the camp, in the end went to change and dry up before heading to vivo for lunch. And then to outram to hand camp things over to mom, and trained back to harbourfront to go kent ridge to go sch for guitar.
Well, couldn't really keep up with ensemble cos I didn't prac a lot during the days I wasn't at camp, actually my main reason to go is cos I wanna prac the cowbell. Aft tt went for dinner at utown italiano, B said I have the post-camp aura lol. Racked our brains over some coin games that HS came out with and gt gelato treat frm p and vp. Thks! ^^ Achievement unlocked for not sleeping for more than 30 hrs! (Acc to BT)
I'll post abt pnn in the next post. Now my feet still hurt from the sentosa sand lol. I can't feel anything with my left big toe, it's numb. Hope my feet will heal soon, and I'm so much darker now! Slipper tan lines are like super pronounced. Ok off to prac my instruments and do guitar stuffs! Matric fair is coming soon!
Labels: holidays2012, School
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
While waiting for my hair to dry....
Spent the afternoon at cfa doing matric fair poster and flyer with partner! Ended up watching documentary about lions while waiting for the rest to finish their meeting so that we can go dinner tgt. Lions are v cute! Anw it was the first prac for cp tonight, and I'm in guitar 4! Well, I wouldn't have chosen this part cos I need to down tune the last string to D, and that messes up the fingering on the last string, which adds onto the chaos and panic that I'm feeling inside cos I can't read bass notes very well. But I thought it is a challenge and very good exposure cos I'm only playing bass notes for one song only, so if I don't like it, it's still one song only. Considering that my aim is to try guitarron (not likely to materialise) in the future, in addition to the fact that this part seem "easier" than the rest (Idk for sure, I just feel this way), I'll just give it a shot!
But the prob lies not in the bass notes, the score is manageable (not so many chords) but there doesn't seem to be a distinct tune or melody :/ I thought it sounds a bit messy, hmmm, not like the other songs we play in ensemble. Maybe that's the composer's style, I'll google him when I'm free.
While waiting for my hair to dry, I've typed so much above. But, the main purpose of this post, is to put into words, how grateful I am to be able to join a musical group with ZERO music background, in UNIVERSITY. It suddenly dawned on me, that all the other juniors who were accepted into guitar, be it workshop or not, have some music background. They either play other instruments, or have already experimented with the guitar. Most of those who don't have any music background are rejected. I'm one of the lucky few who got in. All thanks to WH (I think).
I rmb the wait aft the audition, at first I was kind of indifferent towards being able to get in or not, but it turned into anxiety after WH got her acceptance email. Cos we wanted to get into the same cca. And I was wondering if they will take in a beginner like me :/ who has a phobia of reading musical scores (lol I think I still have a lil bit of it) I was overjoyed (and relieved) when I got the acceptance email, anxiety gone, and ready to take on the realm of music! Haha no, I've always wanted to play in an orchestra (I still do), they sound so majestic! But I'm scared of reading complicated scores haha. But I don't want to keep reading simple scores only, make me feel like a beginner, no, more of like a noob (worst than beginner). So I contradict myself lol. Anw, now thinking back about it, I'm really lucky to get in! Since I don't have any music background (cannot count the primary school recorder experience) I most likely will get the boot, I think it could be due to WH (wa great influence haha). I was joking about the influence part, but I think maybe A thought WH was a good player and wanted to keep her, so he should keep her friend (aka me) too, so that WH will stay on or smth. Idk if it's true, it's just my guess, but I think God brought me here. I wanted a change, away from drama, I wanted to join a musical group (or sports group haha, anything but drama). For a beginner like me who has only picked up the instrument that same year, and still not very good at it, chances of getting into the cca at university level is probably as slim as an underweight person (can't think of good examples at night). So I'm very happy and grateful where I am now. Guitar has fulfilled many dreams of mine: To be part of a musical group, to be part of the comm (I've always wanted to be in the comm during my drama days, but sadly never got in, which contributed to the disappointment in the earlier drama), to make friends and feel really happy and proud to be in my cca (a feeling that I've never had since very long ago ;( ) and feel like I really love my cca (yea I really love guitar now, can't imagine how my life would be without it <3). Thank you God for bringing me here, thank you WH for teaching me guitar (if not I can't even get in -.-). I really thank my lucky stars that I got into uni and got into this cca. I really hope that it will not follow the path of drama, and end up becoming the reason for my tears. And to think I almost decided not to stay, after WH left the cca. There were many times when I felt like leaving, like most of the time I'm alone, like many times I can't play well and others have alrdy mastered the whole song. So tempting to quit becos I don't want to feel inferior. "Give me 5 years, or 6 years, and I'll be like them too." was what I thought to myself many times. But if I quit, then I'll just be delaying my own improvement, I probably won't be so motivated to practise, maybe even give in to procrastination (cos no concert pieces to practise). I'll also be giving up the chance to play together with others, back to square one with regards to my orchestra dream. I'm glad that one day I might fulfil this dream, becos of my decision to take up an additional instrument.
Anw my hair is somewhat dry now, so I'll conclude this post. Tmr still need to do a lot of things to prepare for the camp, some moments ago I was still very panicky and insecure, but now I feel more prepared and more confident. Believe in yourself! I need to feel more confident in speaking and socialising, more confident in guitar playing, and more confident in my academics and abilities. Go for the mods that I want to take! Go for the the events that I want to go! Go for the things in life that I'm after!
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, thoughts about my life
Monday, July 9, 2012
悔 - Drama
Life is full of regrets. Something that I have been trying hard to avoid, but it seems the more I try, the easier I end up making decisions that I regret. Right now, regretting and regretting. How I wish I won't be bothered by them.
从来没有想过，或料到，曾经深爱，热衷于的戏剧，居然会成为我今生的一大遗憾。我以为我会一直对戏剧充满热忱，以前是这样，今后也如此。那时我把戏剧当作我的生命，认为因为有了它，所以我的生活如此五彩缤纷，也很高兴圆了自己的演员梦。虽然我已认定以后我不会从事与戏剧相关的工作，但我相信它将会是我毕生的热忱，业余的爱好。
说实话，我还是很爱演戏的。一直告诉自己，我已经对戏剧死心了，但我不想欺骗自己。所以我想，我对中文戏剧还是有一份感情的，虽然当年有遗憾，但是也有开心的时候。
因该是两年前的失望，让我决定今生与舞台剧绝缘。English drama I mean. 我也不想骗自己，不想再告诉自己至少我有获益，可能获益的地方在于看清自己根本不适合english drama。也认清了， english drama and chinese drama are two different things. Some english drama are hard to comprehend, like that time I went to watch that show with the rest of drama peeps at Esplanade. Tbh I don't understand a single thing, even till this day. The synopsis helped a bit, if not I would not even know what is going on. I realised that, this cca is not for me, when I saw how the teachers were amazed and full of praises for the show, which, to me, is totally not worth the money (I had to spend $35 on that!!!! I wouldn't go if nt for the rest of the club gng) and I don't understand what the heck they were doing and saying. This reminds me of the incident in sec 1 or 2, when the school made us go to some chinese drama show. A weird storyline I rmb, smth like some students forcing a teacher to hand over the keys to the vault holding the exam answers and the teacher refused, and the students went to extreme measures, one of which I rmbed was faking a rape scene btwn 2 students, and the teacher gave in, then she committed suicide (thanks to reading the prog booklet). I think the show's called qing chun jing ji you xi. Anw I thought the storyline was kinda weird... and exaggerated. My point of view as a chinese drama member. Anw the director got angered by us, cos some students were making noises throughout the performance and not respecting the performance. The director got so angry that he refused to go on stage during curtain call. I think some members of the public gt angry with us (I mean the other students who make noise, I'm v guai ok) too and cant rmb if they scolded us. I think one of them stood up and scolded us at the end. But hey! We didn't want to go (the school made us), and tbh, I wouldn't go on my own, cos the storyline's kinda not the type of perf that I will wanna watch. But I did respect the perf and behaved like a gd audience should, cos I was from chinese drama then, and I was supporting my "fellow chinese drama actors" lol.
Anw, I guess I'm still ok with chinese drama now. But not english drama. I've never had a gd impression of english drama during sec sch times, tbh, they always seem to be "slacking", like nth much to do lol. But I always thought I should respect them, cos they were my "brothers in drama" lol. The impression stayed till jc, and I think nth much has changed, prolly they unlocked the achievement of being "last minute". Maybe I compared el drama to cl drama, in cl drama it's always busy busy busy. I felt really proud as a cl drama member back then and always wore my collar pin in lower sec, but I took down my collar pin in sec 3 and 4. Haiz.
Everytime I see an el drama production, like that time we went to fetch my sis when she went to watch twelfth night at fort canning, I always feel a pain. A regret. And I would look at the actors on stage, and envy them for being in the cast, that I was never a part of, but had so much wanted to be in. My main reason for joining el drama, even after I decided to change track after sec 4. I feel like bashing myself. 为什么我那么不争气？明明誓言不再加入戏剧，却又食言，落得一场遗憾。The regret of never being able to act on stage, after deciding to give another shot at drama, el drama, will stay. No thoughts of giving another try agn, the process is too painful. And I realise I don't understand el drama. Which prolly adds into the equation which landed me here now. Away from drama. Away from disappointments.
自从我加入guitar以后，我时不时都会回想起以前在 el drama and 戏剧的日子，然后就会问自己，我那些年到底在干什么？6年，在戏剧的6年，蹉跎了多少岁月。6年，我可以成为一个不错的 guitarist 了。而我现在，只是一个一事无成的人。这些年，我为戏剧掉过多少泪，又有谁知道，有谁在乎。
既然已经发生了，也没什么好说的了。但是，如果时间可以倒流，我可以重来一次，我一定不会做当时的决定。我宁愿戏剧永远是个梦，也不要它成为一个无法磨灭的遗憾。可惜，我再也回不去了。只剩下眼泪，和无尽的。。。悔。
Labels: thoughts about my life
Stuffs of July
Went for ls prep camp last mon and tues. Haiz regret not gng for scamp or union camp now! Anw it's not like I expected a lot from this camp, but oh well. Hmm I don't think the total number of people could form one og, maybe can squeeze out a small one haha. But anw it was ok la, I especially like to travel arnd NUS at night haha, be it night games or bathing. Like to explore the dark side of my schools (which reminds me, I haven had a camp in tj yet! Overnight camp I mean) but oh well it's too late! Ok enough talking abt regrets, anw I'm the only ogl for my og, which has 10 ppl as of now. Gotta go think of ice-breakers to last for 3 hours!! Gosh. Anw must try for scamp or uc next year, at least once before I grad! Hopefully doesn't clash with internship or anything I'm gng to have then.
Have loads of things to do before gng for the camp: matric fair stuffs and other guitar stuffs (gonna take up the bulk of time), module planning (time to think of how to have enough time to overload and study and get my desired cap, and balancing all my other commitments), practising cowbell cos the 15 jul gig is coming soon (hopefully can fix my rhythm, don't wanna ruin everyone's playing cos of my lousy playing; I do want to try percussions in the future), ls camp stuffs like designing the og logo, thinking of cheers and ice breakers, blah blah (this the first time I've come across a camp that require the ogls to do so much, and thrs only 1 ogl per og). Tbh I feel inadequately prepared for this, I don't wanna appear flustered and end up giving the freshies a bad experience. There doesn't seem to be enough time to do an identity too, haiz I'll see what comes along. Damn, I should stop regretting my decisions and just pull through until the next time I need to make a decision agn, then I'll consider carefully. And stop being so easily influenced!!! Argh I hate this trait of me. So easily influenced. Regretted so many things because of this. ARGH!!!!!!!
Anw, away from sad things, there're my instruments! <3 Progressed to slurs in violin lesson today, I think I'm doing ok so far, but still far from expectations cos the sounds I produce are horrible and I wouldn't really consider them music. But hey, my fingerings are more accurate without looking! ^^ The sound from my teacher's violin and my violin are really miles apart. Looking forward to having my professional violin one day (but that's gng to be expensive so not in the near future I guess). No violin lesson next week, thankfully, cos I'll just break camp on sat and prolly gng to guitar aftwards (should I go? But I'll be tired and din really prac a lot lol), so thrs prolly not much time for me to prac my violin too. Switching frequency to guitar, I think I need to prac more and start to train my muscle memory, especially for WC, since it's mostly chords. And then thr's the comm piece, whr I'll be playing bass. Zomg! Bass!! Haha sommore nid to down tune guitar. Prolly cannt sightread alrdy haha. Sevilla is still giving me headaches, must quickly resolve before other songs come, and juniors come in. Oh ho! Matric fair! Haha kinda looking forward to it. Looking forward to welcome tea too, hehe. But not looking forward to bidding lol. I hope I get my psych mods, if not I will fight till the end for them!!!
Ok, better start using my time wisely now. No time to lose!!
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, School, violin
Sunday, July 1, 2012
It's July!
It's July already! My fingertips are hurting and peeling from sectionals haha. And it hurt so much when I tried to practice violin just now. So fast it's July already! Means matric fair is coming! Haha looking forward to meeting new juniors! And I'm kinda excited for the ls camp too hahaha.
Sectionals today, but started the day with assembling our road signs and ended up late for sectionals :x oops haha. Received new score WC today. So many chords!! Hahaha almost the entire score is chords la haha how to sightread. Progressed quite a lot for Sevilla haha, but I'm still lagging. And talking about lagging, I was lagging for the cowbells :( And went through Spring as an ensemble today, can't really hear myself, can only hear the altos. Lol, maybe cos I'm sitting next to them. Dunno to be sad or happy that I'm not in alto this sem. Haiz just can't help but think about this issue every now and then. Haiz. Hope it will go away soon and who knows, I may find greener pastures in prime lol.
After practice stayed back a little to do matric fair stuff. Poor B is sick, hope she gets well soon! And then went to eat dinner with pres and vice pres at utown italiano haha. I think utown italiano is a nicer name. Haha, anw, ordered some bolognese thing even though I don't like tomato. Turned out dry and tomato-ish, had a hard time trying to finish it up. Left most of the meat in the end and ate the pasta haha. Don't like the meat. Should have just ordered my pizza right. Next time I will do just that. Despite the pizza being more expensive than the pasta and to me the difference is not justified. But I should eat happily rite. After that went to order ice cream. Caramel! <3 So sweet but yet some parts taste/ smell plastic-y. Still prefer the caramel and biscuit or smth from HD. It shall be one of my motivation to work hard and earn more money. Haha.
Ok finished talking about today, oh no, it's "yesterday" already lol. First day of July will be spent on violin, packing and getting ready for ls prep camp. And sending the matric fair collaterals to the relevant ppl for their opinions. And thinking how to hand in the matric fair forms. And hoping I can prac my guitar a little before going off to camp. WC! Haha I love cats ^^ Meow!
Finally submitted the form to indicate my interest for an accommodation in school next AY. Was pondering whether I should stay in school, since I have violin now and I would be putting a lot of things on my plate. But it's a once in a lifetime experience that I once yearned so much for, despite being so expensive lol, and probably not worth it if I look at monetary terms. $2k for 1 sem! Plus travelling costs cos I have violin. Should I stop violin? But I don't want to put it off le. And sommore I want to overload, clear my mods so I can take psych minor. Plus that gem that I s/ued. And guitar pracs! And pub stuffs! Hahaha. I guess excellent time management is the answer. I'm not confident of that, I've been procrastinating lol. Well, no harm trying. We'll see if I manage to get in and what plans God has for me. I really hope to be able to get in! Preferred one pls. Haha.
Labels: guitar, holidays2012, School, violin
Site Mistress
About me
Hey! I'm 19 this year and currently in an important stage of my life. After thinking I decided to start this blog, to record down the ongoings of this stage in my life. For memory purpose, haha, when I'm old I'll be looking back at the posts here and laugh at how childish/ cry at how foolish I was. Yea, that's life.
To contact me you can leave a message at the tagboard >>>
Information correct as at 28/11/2011.
MyWishes
Santa's Job!
Why, good grades at exams of course!
Play in an orchestra <:D
Work in Cadbury! Haha!
Snow chocolates!!!
A more realistic one, to be able to keep in touch with all my friends.
And also, get better with the guitar ♥
Loves & Hates
What I Love X What I Hate
♥ Chocolates, of course! CBF!
X Cockroach lol
About This Site
The Site's History
I started blogging on
28/11/11, 12 midnight. I blog because I want to record this stage in life, and share my life with whoever's interested (aka
you who is reading this now ;D).
Since we're talking about history, we gotta have some dates:
28/11/11, 12+am : Birth of this blog!!
Credits
ThankYouSooMuch!
Layout done by, -xCherrie
Others: I HEART YOU
Coming up
Upcoming events/ activities!
Jul 2012
15: An engagement*
16: A case competition
20: Photocopy day
23: Decorating for MF
24 - 27: Matric Fair 2012*
Aug 2012
* Look forward to updates!
As the calendar fades
Past events
Aug 2011
09: NDP 2011
11: Start of school (A new chapter!)
Oct 2011
09: Guitarras Expresivas
Nov 2011
19 - 28: Sem 1 Finals
30: SSB Outing to Punggol #
Dec 2011
02: NDP11 YPC BBQ
05 - 10: Guitar camp #
11: 19 and unaccomplished night outing #
20: Release of Sem 1 Results
Jan 2012
04: Guitar chalet
05: Ikea trip
06: YPC lunch
07: Guitar prac
09: Start of school Sem 2
14: LPG2012 (Which I can't go)
23 - 24: CNY
Mar 2012
11: NAF12: Asian Waves #
13: Guitar Recording
24: Guitar AGM and Annual Dinner
28: Hall Application Results
Apr 2012
02: LSM1104 CA2
21 - 27: Sem 2 Finals
May 2012
07: Orientation meeting, going to see music school
08: Arts Leaders Retreat #
20: First violin lesson!! #
26: Sungha Jung and Preston Reed's concert #
28: Release of Sem 2 Results #
Jun 2012
12: Practising cowbell
21: Do matric fair publicity at partner's house
23: Start of sectionals #
24: Elva's birthday lunch #
30: Sectionals #
Jul 2012
02 - 03: LS Prep Camp #
10: Prac for cp #
12 - 14: LS Camp #
# Blog updated
