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Wednesday, July 11, 2012
While waiting for my hair to dry....

Spent the afternoon at cfa doing matric fair poster and flyer with partner! Ended up watching documentary about lions while waiting for the rest to finish their meeting so that we can go dinner tgt. Lions are v cute! Anw it was the first prac for cp tonight, and I'm in guitar 4! Well, I wouldn't have chosen this part cos I need to down tune the last string to D, and that messes up the fingering on the last string, which adds onto the chaos and panic that I'm feeling inside cos I can't read bass notes very well. But I thought it is a challenge and very good exposure cos I'm only playing bass notes for one song only, so if I don't like it, it's still one song only. Considering that my aim is to try guitarron (not likely to materialise) in the future, in addition to the fact that this part seem "easier" than the rest (Idk for sure, I just feel this way), I'll just give it a shot!

But the prob lies not in the bass notes, the score is manageable (not so many chords) but there doesn't seem to be a distinct tune or melody :/ I thought it sounds a bit messy, hmmm, not like the other songs we play in ensemble. Maybe that's the composer's style, I'll google him when I'm free.

While waiting for my hair to dry, I've typed so much above. But, the main purpose of this post, is to put into words, how grateful I am to be able to join a musical group with ZERO music background, in UNIVERSITY. It suddenly dawned on me, that all the other juniors who were accepted into guitar, be it workshop or not, have some music background. They either play other instruments, or have already experimented with the guitar. Most of those who don't have any music background are rejected. I'm one of the lucky few who got in. All thanks to WH (I think).

I rmb the wait aft the audition, at first I was kind of indifferent towards being able to get in or not, but it turned into anxiety after WH got her acceptance email. Cos we wanted to get into the same cca. And I was wondering if they will take in a beginner like me :/ who has a phobia of reading musical scores (lol I think I still have a lil bit of it) I was overjoyed (and relieved) when I got the acceptance email, anxiety gone, and ready to take on the realm of music! Haha no, I've always wanted to play in an orchestra (I still do), they sound so majestic! But I'm scared of reading complicated scores haha. But I don't want to keep reading simple scores only, make me feel like a beginner, no, more of like a noob (worst than beginner). So I contradict myself lol. Anw, now thinking back about it, I'm really lucky to get in! Since I don't have any music background (cannot count the primary school recorder experience) I most likely will get the boot, I think it could be due to WH (wa great influence haha). I was joking about the influence part, but I think maybe A thought WH was a good player and wanted to keep her, so he should keep her friend (aka me) too, so that WH will stay on or smth. Idk if it's true, it's just my guess, but I think God brought me here. I wanted a change, away from drama, I wanted to join a musical group (or sports group haha, anything but drama). For a beginner like me who has only picked up the instrument that same year, and still not very good at it, chances of getting into the cca at university level is probably as slim as an underweight person (can't think of good examples at night). So I'm very happy and grateful where I am now. Guitar has fulfilled many dreams of mine: To be part of a musical group, to be part of the comm (I've always wanted to be in the comm during my drama days, but sadly never got in, which contributed to the disappointment in the earlier drama), to make friends and feel really happy and proud to be in my cca (a feeling that I've never had since very long ago ;( ) and feel like I really love my cca (yea I really love guitar now, can't imagine how my life would be without it <3). Thank you God for bringing me here, thank you WH for teaching me guitar (if not I can't even get in -.-). I really thank my lucky stars that I got into uni and got into this cca. I really hope that it will not follow the path of drama, and end up becoming the reason for my tears. And to think I almost decided not to stay, after WH left the cca. There were many times when I felt like leaving, like most of the time I'm alone, like many times I can't play well and others have alrdy mastered the whole song. So tempting to quit becos I don't want to feel inferior. "Give me 5 years, or 6 years, and I'll be like them too." was what I thought to myself many times. But if I quit, then I'll just be delaying my own improvement, I probably won't be so motivated to practise, maybe even give in to procrastination (cos no concert pieces to practise). I'll also be giving up the chance to play together with others, back to square one with regards to my orchestra dream. I'm glad that one day I might fulfil this dream, becos of my decision to take up an additional instrument.

Anw my hair is somewhat dry now, so I'll conclude this post. Tmr still need to do a lot of things to prepare for the camp, some moments ago I was still very panicky and insecure, but now I feel more prepared and more confident. Believe in yourself! I need to feel more confident in speaking and socialising, more confident in guitar playing, and more confident in my academics and abilities. Go for the mods that I want to take! Go for the the events that I want to go! Go for the things in life that I'm after!

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