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Tuesday, January 1, 2013
It's a new year!

It's 2013! Didn't really feel very special though. I'm here to pen down my thoughts about 2012!

I became more musical in 2012, cos it's my 2nd year learning guitar, and the year I took up violin!

I became happier cos of guitar! <3 Started my term as a ps too and it was a really awesome experience. I found my skills improving too, slowly and gradually. Good improvement! I am satisfied.

Through the years, I changed, as I began to appreciate my friends more, and decided that I kept a lot of feelings to myself in the past and I should express my friendly love so that my friends will know that I care for them! Cos life is short, no room for regrets! No room for hidden feelings and emotions too!

I felt I became more cheerful and open as compared to last time. This is not surprising, isn't it, people are always changing. I like to compare myself to the old me during lower sec, I was so damn different, I feel. During lower sec I was more quiet, preferring to stay in my comfort zone and wait for people to talk to me, then I will talk to them. It takes a long while before I start becoming comfortable with people and open up more to the lively and cheerful me. I feel like I was suppressing myself, I yearn to be active and funny, but sometimes I behave in the opposite way, kind of cold and zen haha. There are some things that I want to do, like be louder, but something is stopping me from doing them. I can't say for sure what it is, it still happens now sometimes. But I'm happier now, I let my emotions express more freely now. *Disregards the bad grammar* I dun bottle, I'm trying. I rmbed one time after cdc practice in sec 4, while we were waiting for our parents to come and fetch us, MY and I spoke a bit, then I told her I am (was) used to bottling up my emotions, and she told me it's not healthy, I should say it out, if not one day I will explode or burst. I brushed her words aside and said that I've been doing it since I was young, preferring to keep my emotions to myself and not wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'll be ok. To which she replied it's not good haha.

(Paragraph too long so I'm putting a space in between) Come to think of it, she's right. Why was I so stubborn and adamant back then? Maybe if I had xiang tong then I would have more happy times? Or maybe I was still immature then and needed the experiences to shape me up, before I can kan kai? Anyway, I'm glad I'm no longer the old me. I think I would have judged the old me quite badly. Weirdo, shy, reserved, cold, unfeeling, passive, I would have thought of myself like that. I'm still kinda passive now, but I dun think I'm very weird now haha. I try to open up, and am amazed sometimes, when I think of how long I know my guitar friends, the comm members, and how close I am to some of them, after knowing them for just one year, I marvel to think that in the past, I need to spend quite some time with people before I get comfortable with them. Yay! I like it the way now :D More friends, less acquaintances!

Could this change in me be brought about by music? Sometimes I think about this question. So when I was in drama I was more reserved, and when I'm in a musical cca I'm more open? Hahaha the irony. I think it could be. If I was in drama now, I will still be reserved I think. I just can't open up in drama :/ If I was in dance, I will not be very open too *imagines* So.... it means I'm not comfortable with my body? Hahaha.

Anyway I think I still give off the "old" vibe. Last time in drama, chinese drama, the drama in which I got a chance to act, I was given all the "old" roles, like mother, ah ma, auntie cleaner. And in the recent music camp night games I was the stepmother. Somehow I'm not associated with "youthfulness" lol. Is it cos of the clothes I wear? Or my mop of a hair? Hahaha. Actually I want to change my hairstyle, but idk what to change to :/ My hair has looked pretty much the same since sec 3, when I decided to grow long hair! Now it looks more tame after the rebonding last year. If not it looks like a wild messy mop. "Lioning" was the term I coined to describe it haha.

Actually, I think I'm kinda creative. Hahahaha. Self praise to make myself feel good in 2013. It's 4am alrdy, I should leave my new year resolutions and review of past year resolutions (if I can find/ rmb them) to the next subsequent post.


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