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Sunday, November 11, 2012
Random update

Hello there! This is just a random update, as I haven't been updating for many many months and didn't record down the many events that happened in my uni life. Now as I approach week 13, its's gonna be exams soon, agn!

My progress in violin has been great, but can be better. Now and then I can't help wondering how different my life would be if I had dabbled in music much earlier. And then I'll remind myself to stop harping on it. Haiz. Now and then I will be reminded of it, like when I see a really talented young musician performing, or when some stage production. I should really just leave the past in the past and stop thinking about it :/

Anw I'm learning vibrato now! I hope I can get it soon, it doesn't seem easy to master. It seemed like a crazy idea to start violin now, come to think of it, I should have the courage to start it earlier. Haha trying to make up for lost time. I'm currently in uni and have loads to be busy about, on top of that I have guitar to practice, and comm stuffs to do. Violin is an expensive instrument to learn too, a student violin would cost a few hundred, I don't know how much I'm going to spend to upgrade to a better violin in the future. Violin lessons are expensive too, and have to spend a considerable amount of time to practice. But I'm loving it. I'm finally playing the violin! Haha one step closer to my orchestra dream! Why didn't I take it seriously when I wanted to join an orchestra when I was younger :(

Back then, when I was still in chinese drama, I would be very elated when I receive the script, and then I will start to pai lian at home on my own, and cos I was kinda shy and didn't want to be disturbed, I locked my room and mouthed the tai ci and didn't want anyone to hear me. But now I don't have to lock my room when I practice cos people will still hear it anyway, in fact, I'm kinda reluctant to put on my mute when I prac at night cos I really want to hear myself. Haha. The reason why I'm writing this down, and comparing past and present, is not to escalate my feelings of dissent towards drama (although it did lol), but cos I didn't tell anyone about my secret pai lians. I will also read through other characters' parts and familiarise myself with the entire script. I wanted to be a good actor, albeit I'm quite shy and not as outgoing as the other juniors. I couldn't be as close to the seniors as other juniors, and couldn't appear to be as easy-going and friendly as other juniors. I still remember about the senior who got "ostracised". Actually I don't really get how come they don't really like him. Apart from him being a bit erm.. I don't know how to describe him, but anw generally he is friendly and nice towards the juniors. Don't know why they don't like him and keep saying he is a wushu-reject so he come join drama :/ Or maybe there are other reasons. Anw I did distance from him, you know, don't wan to associate too much with him if not they might view me in the same light too. But I felt a bit pathetic, in the end I felt I didn't fit in very much too, just on acquaintance terms with most ppl, esp the juniors I guess?

Maybe it was meant to be. God knows that all this is gonna be fruitless and he doesn't want me to waste my efforts anymore, so he hints to me that drama is not suitable for me. Haha. And we are collaborating with stage for next year's show. Not sure how it will turn out, hope it will be good. I can have a taste of how a person from a non-drama cca views drama. I've been quite curious about how other ppl, or friends view me as a member of the drama club. Sometimes I wonder if my guitar friends are mindful about that when they interact with me. Like, hey this person is from drama, so she must be eloquent, speak with that kind of accent (lol), or blah blah. Cos sometimes I get mindful of my fellow drama members when I was still in drama, esp english drama. And haha, ppl always get a shock when I tell them I'm from drama, I used to think "I don't look like meh?" hahaha, and now I actually agree with them, I'm just not dramatic enough. I'm kinda ok with that, I don't really like very drama-sy stuffs. Unless I'm having fun with my friends hoho. I still like to act, but not in that drama-sy exaggerated way.

I feel like I'm disclosing many true inner feelings here, many things that I've not told anyone, like the whole thing about how I feel about drama. I used to feel uncomfortable talking about them, used to want to keep them to myself and not tell anyone. But I want to move on. I'm ok with sharing now I guess, I don't want to bring all these along as I move into a new stage of life. Even though time cannot undo any regrets and it will still hurt, but they will be left behind in the past. Hoho, moving on to the "No drama era". I just hope I will be happy.

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