Received many notes and was very touched. Regretted not writing for other workshoppers, but I didn't have time (never plan time properly) :( Still remembered I only got one note from Shruti when I was still a workshopper, and I was pleasantly surprised, cos I wasn't expecting any from anyone. It is incredible that my love for this cca has grown tremendously from one year ago. I think being in comm contributed to this too. Now I feel loved <3

Recounting my journey from last year as a workshopper, I still feel blessed to be part of this cca. It is a magical thing. I still remembered I stereotyped the guitar as a "campfire instrument" and would not associate it with things outside of strumming and singing. I don't really consider it as an "elegant" instrument either, unlike piano and violin. I didn't think I would like to pick up the guitar as well, if not for WH, my story in guitar would never have been written or unfolded. It all started in J1.

When I went for the second drama practice in JC, I realised I had made a mistake. What am I doing here? I have promised myself not to join drama again, and here I am, I think I'm not going to enjoy myself here. And I was subsequently proven correct, but credits have to be given to some of the happy memories in drama (not many of them). I also felt untalented and useless, especially since many of my peers are accomplished musically, in the aesthetics field, or in their sports. Basically they are talented in their own right, in their respective fields, but me? I'm not happy in drama, I can't do sports, I'm not an extroverted person. I felt useless on many occasions, and this spurred me on to want to learn music. Previously I was rather apprehensive towards music, I could still remember the time in primary school where we had to read notes and play recorder, I wasn't able to read notes properly and I resolved to not reading it anymore by writing down the names of the notes, and deciding that music is not my cup of tea. I ruled it out during cca selection during secondary school and jc, not knowing how much I have missed out. Now come to think of it, things would have been so different if I had joined a musical group back then. Maybe I wouldn't be so bitter towards drama now. Maybe I wouldn't even be in guitar ensemble now, I might be in some orchestra (fulfilling my dream). But I'm glad to be part of the ensemble :')

Continuing my story, the 2 years in english drama was close to hellish (not cos of rigorous training or anything, cos there it wasn't rigorous at all for me, rather it was the lack thereof ) as I keep on reprimanding myself emotionally on why I'm still in drama, many thoughts of quitting surfaced but I wasn't brave enough to do it (I regretted it a lot now) and stayed through, trying to convince myself it was for the good of my testimonial, and I would experience how english drama was like, in a bid to try to rectify my stereotype of this art form which I had since secondary school. It didn't help matters obviously, since I still look at it in the same light, maybe it even worsened my view of it. Anyway, this is not the focal point of this post.

I remembered sharing with WH that I wanna pick up an instrument, and felt really happy when she offered to teach me (YAY!) I didn't carry it through though cos we were all busy at that time and I wasn't very determined too. I was reminded many times of my lack of talent, when I attended jc guitar ensemble's concert, when I saw many peers being fluent at their instruments, I couldn't help but think what have I achieved these past years? And it made me even sadder when I realise, I have not achieved much useful stuffs, from how much I think I will achieve in my cca, and I was left with many regrets. I'm not blaming drama, I just keep on making the wrong decisions.

I could still remember the pdp exhibition day in J2, something like a cca orientation back in secondary school. There were no juniors looking in the black box and I was just chilling. It was towards the end of the exhibition, if I remembered correctly. Then came the music of a violin and guitar duet. I think its the chamber ensemble and guitar ensemble playing together for fun. It was beautiful. Although I cannot remember how it sound like now, there will always be a special place for violin and guitar duets in my heart/ mind. I felt untalented again and thought I should really be outside and not here, what am I doing with my life to end up like this? Waves of emotions swept me over and crushed me under. I felt like crying over my incapability but I tried really hard to keep my composure. I decided that, this will be my last time feeling like this (even though in reality, it's not) and I'm going to leave drama behind after I graduate, I'm going to pick up an instrument and venture into music.

I was excited when WH brought me down to get my own guitar after dragging the issue for so long, after A levels. It was some time in January 2011. I wasn't very very excited, due to my previous view of the guitar, but nevertheless I was really glad that I'm embarking on my journey to become talented. I'm breaking away from drama!! The guitar lessons started as regular ones, and then it became on and off as the both of us got involved in ndp. Then it was matriculation and we both wanted to join a musical cca together, we were eyeing symphony orchestra initially, as WH doesn't want to join guitar again as she has done that in jc already, as for me, I'm open, as long as it is not drama. During matric fair our jc clique was telling WH to sign up for the guitar auditions, and she did. I felt like leaving my name too, but then I reminded myself that I'm still a beginner and should not embarrass myself, so I held back. I was a bit sad though. I went with her afterwards, for her auditions, and had a chat with E, the guy who brought us there (who later turned out to be the president) while waiting for her to finish. Actually I think I would not be able to get into any musical group in uni as they would require some level of proficiency, which I lack. Fate has it that I mentioned that I was learning guitar and E said that I could try for the auditions as well, which I was shocked and unsure, cos I could barely read notes and had just started on the very basics. Then WH came out of the room, the audition guy came out and then after some persuasion, I said ok, no harm trying for it anyway. So I went in and to be honest, I was a little scared of the guy, I thought he was some staff and I remembered I felt like I was in the presence of a great and stern musician, which I feel a little amused now thinking about this hahaha.

I did a little sight reading of simple notes, I remembered I couldn't even play the simple song! It all looked very foreign to me and it was just an interview session basically. After that we went back, and WH told me she got accepted into the ensemble a short while later (I couldn't remember how long) and they told her to go for practice before the welcome tea. I got a little worried, to be honest, I don't know whether I was hoping to get in or not. After WH got in I hoped that I will get in to, so we could be in the same cca. How relieved I was when I got the email from A, the audition guy. I was a little happy too. I got into a musical cca! :DD I was away from drama!!! I was a little sad cos I wanted to go down and have a look too haha but I wasn't invited. A gave us a choice of joining the main ensemble or the workshop, and as much as my heart wanted to join the main ensemble, my brain kept me in check, I wasn't qualified enough for the main ensemble given my current standard then, I can't even read simple notes!! Going to main ensemble would be suicide and just plain face-throwing. So I chose the workshop.

Then WH quit after welcome tea. I was a bit sad cos we couldn't be in the same cca, and I don't have a friend in guitar anymore. It was full of uncertainty as I was contemplating whether I should quit guitar as well. The indecisive me decided to continue going for workshop first then see how. I felt lonely in guitar cos I don't have friends :( And then it was concert, I felt I screwed it up cos I was nervous, the footstool wasn't at the desirable height I want and I didn't dare to alter it, it was my first time performing on this instrument that I had picked up just a few months ago. And then it was music camp. I was undecided whether to continue in guitar, so the indecisive me decided to go for music camp and see how. I chose alto section for sem 2, after contemplating the level of difficulty and hearing WH's opinions. Surprisingly I got into alto 1, I was a bit worried as there were runs in the scores usually, I couldn't even "walk" in guitar, let alone perform the runs accurately. I did not have much friends apart from my fellow workshoppers, and was glad I had someone to bunk with me when other main ensemble year 1s had their friends.

I got to know the whole ensemble during music camp, it's like woah, suddenly I got so many friends. I was apprehensive as cliques might have been formed and it will be hard to break into one, even so with my personality. Glad that I had a really good sl, HJ, she really helped me a lot. Got to know other people in my section too, like the other year 1s, but didn't talk to them much too cos I was apprehensive. Didn't really talk much with YY and HZ haha, talked more with A cos we were from the same major. Could still remember my first sectionals, I didn't know how to tune my alto and didn't dare to ask cos it's too embarrassing. Subsequent sectionals were not really useful in my opinion cos I can't read notes. There was this time during mini ensemble when YY had to go prepare the games, and HJ was playing alto cembalo, so I was left to solo alto 1 parts for misato. Ended up the song had no melody and I was so embarrassed lol. The bonds with the ensemble grew from there and I felt more like a part of the family rather than some outcast workshop person.

Then it was time for elections and agm. It was made mandatory that all the year 1s run for positions, which some people pulled out in the end anyway. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be, I was also concerned about my own guitar maturity as well. I ended up writing anything for the interview form, then changed it to treasurer. Afterall, I had wanted to be a treasurer for some time since running for the alpha hc in jc (I wanted to be secretary, but cos I can't write fast enough I decided to go for treasurer instead hahaha, which I didn't get in the end too) and then filled in the next 2 positions with secretary and publicity secretary. I made my speech, not sure who will vote for me. I remembered I felt I didn't give a satisfactory answer for some questions directed to treasurer and I thought "it's a flop, treasurer is gone". After that was waiting for the vote counting and final verdict, I remembered praying silently and then left it all to God/ fate.When I saw S's name at the treasurer column, my heart sank, so I didn't manage to get into the comm afterall. And then I got a surprise when they scrolled down even further and I saw my name at the pubsec column, along with my future partner's. I didn't know what to feel, happy? Sad? I felt that I had robbed other deserving candidates of their choices, especially SY, since she had prior photoshop experience, and likes to design. I had no confidence that people will vote for me to be the ps, since it was my third choice and I didn't speak much about it during the elections. I overheard some people saying they voted for SY as ps and that made me doubt myself even further. Did people really vote for me or did the previous comm "exercised their discretion"? I was also unsure of myself, whether I will be a good ps, I don't have the relevant skills. I wasn't sure whether I will be a good partner to B, I don't want to let her down, or let the rest of the comm down. I was thinking should I pull out and let them re-elect another ps, who is more capable than me.

In the end, I decided, since it is already fixed, I shall just do my best and not let everyone down. It will be a rewarding experience, and I have a partner! The idea of having someone to share your woes and stress is heartening, even though at that time, I don't really know B very well and hasn't talked to her much. I wasn't sure how our working relationship will be like, I hope she is a pleasant person! And so, here I am now, thanking God/ fate for the events that led me to be here. Our first concert is good and the second one will be better. Maybe one day I will write a post about my comm life/ ps life. I have a great ps partner, caring friends and supportive seniors. I feel loved, something which I really wanted but never really experienced in drama, not even chinese drama. So I gladly emphasize, joining guitar ensemble is one of the best things that has happened to me <3

This made me not want to leave, I'm really undecided. Seeing the graduated/ graduating seniors reminisce about their happy times in guitar made me sad and not want to leave. Let's see where fate will bring me and my undecisiveness to.

Inked @ 3:02 AM | 0 Opinions

Received many notes and was very touched. Regretted not writing for other workshoppers, but I didn't have time (never plan time properly) :( Still remembered I only got one note from Shruti when I was still a workshopper, and I was pleasantly surprised, cos I wasn't expecting any from anyone. It is incredible that my love for this cca has grown tremendously from one year ago. I think being in comm contributed to this too. Now I feel loved <3

Recounting my journey from last year as a workshopper, I still feel blessed to be part of this cca. It is a magical thing. I still remembered I stereotyped the guitar as a "campfire instrument" and would not associate it with things outside of strumming and singing. I don't really consider it as an "elegant" instrument either, unlike piano and violin. I didn't think I would like to pick up the guitar as well, if not for WH, my story in guitar would never have been written or unfolded. It all started in J1.

When I went for the second drama practice in JC, I realised I had made a mistake. What am I doing here? I have promised myself not to join drama again, and here I am, I think I'm not going to enjoy myself here. And I was subsequently proven correct, but credits have to be given to some of the happy memories in drama (not many of them). I also felt untalented and useless, especially since many of my peers are accomplished musically, in the aesthetics field, or in their sports. Basically they are talented in their own right, in their respective fields, but me? I'm not happy in drama, I can't do sports, I'm not an extroverted person. I felt useless on many occasions, and this spurred me on to want to learn music. Previously I was rather apprehensive towards music, I could still remember the time in primary school where we had to read notes and play recorder, I wasn't able to read notes properly and I resolved to not reading it anymore by writing down the names of the notes, and deciding that music is not my cup of tea. I ruled it out during cca selection during secondary school and jc, not knowing how much I have missed out. Now come to think of it, things would have been so different if I had joined a musical group back then. Maybe I wouldn't be so bitter towards drama now. Maybe I wouldn't even be in guitar ensemble now, I might be in some orchestra (fulfilling my dream). But I'm glad to be part of the ensemble :')

Continuing my story, the 2 years in english drama was close to hellish (not cos of rigorous training or anything, cos there it wasn't rigorous at all for me, rather it was the lack thereof ) as I keep on reprimanding myself emotionally on why I'm still in drama, many thoughts of quitting surfaced but I wasn't brave enough to do it (I regretted it a lot now) and stayed through, trying to convince myself it was for the good of my testimonial, and I would experience how english drama was like, in a bid to try to rectify my stereotype of this art form which I had since secondary school. It didn't help matters obviously, since I still look at it in the same light, maybe it even worsened my view of it. Anyway, this is not the focal point of this post.

I remembered sharing with WH that I wanna pick up an instrument, and felt really happy when she offered to teach me (YAY!) I didn't carry it through though cos we were all busy at that time and I wasn't very determined too. I was reminded many times of my lack of talent, when I attended jc guitar ensemble's concert, when I saw many peers being fluent at their instruments, I couldn't help but think what have I achieved these past years? And it made me even sadder when I realise, I have not achieved much useful stuffs, from how much I think I will achieve in my cca, and I was left with many regrets. I'm not blaming drama, I just keep on making the wrong decisions.

I could still remember the pdp exhibition day in J2, something like a cca orientation back in secondary school. There were no juniors looking in the black box and I was just chilling. It was towards the end of the exhibition, if I remembered correctly. Then came the music of a violin and guitar duet. I think its the chamber ensemble and guitar ensemble playing together for fun. It was beautiful. Although I cannot remember how it sound like now, there will always be a special place for violin and guitar duets in my heart/ mind. I felt untalented again and thought I should really be outside and not here, what am I doing with my life to end up like this? Waves of emotions swept me over and crushed me under. I felt like crying over my incapability but I tried really hard to keep my composure. I decided that, this will be my last time feeling like this (even though in reality, it's not) and I'm going to leave drama behind after I graduate, I'm going to pick up an instrument and venture into music.

I was excited when WH brought me down to get my own guitar after dragging the issue for so long, after A levels. It was some time in January 2011. I wasn't very very excited, due to my previous view of the guitar, but nevertheless I was really glad that I'm embarking on my journey to become talented. I'm breaking away from drama!! The guitar lessons started as regular ones, and then it became on and off as the both of us got involved in ndp. Then it was matriculation and we both wanted to join a musical cca together, we were eyeing symphony orchestra initially, as WH doesn't want to join guitar again as she has done that in jc already, as for me, I'm open, as long as it is not drama. During matric fair our jc clique was telling WH to sign up for the guitar auditions, and she did. I felt like leaving my name too, but then I reminded myself that I'm still a beginner and should not embarrass myself, so I held back. I was a bit sad though. I went with her afterwards, for her auditions, and had a chat with E, the guy who brought us there (who later turned out to be the president) while waiting for her to finish. Actually I think I would not be able to get into any musical group in uni as they would require some level of proficiency, which I lack. Fate has it that I mentioned that I was learning guitar and E said that I could try for the auditions as well, which I was shocked and unsure, cos I could barely read notes and had just started on the very basics. Then WH came out of the room, the audition guy came out and then after some persuasion, I said ok, no harm trying for it anyway. So I went in and to be honest, I was a little scared of the guy, I thought he was some staff and I remembered I felt like I was in the presence of a great and stern musician, which I feel a little amused now thinking about this hahaha.

I did a little sight reading of simple notes, I remembered I couldn't even play the simple song! It all looked very foreign to me and it was just an interview session basically. After that we went back, and WH told me she got accepted into the ensemble a short while later (I couldn't remember how long) and they told her to go for practice before the welcome tea. I got a little worried, to be honest, I don't know whether I was hoping to get in or not. After WH got in I hoped that I will get in to, so we could be in the same cca. How relieved I was when I got the email from A, the audition guy. I was a little happy too. I got into a musical cca! :DD I was away from drama!!! I was a little sad cos I wanted to go down and have a look too haha but I wasn't invited. A gave us a choice of joining the main ensemble or the workshop, and as much as my heart wanted to join the main ensemble, my brain kept me in check, I wasn't qualified enough for the main ensemble given my current standard then, I can't even read simple notes!! Going to main ensemble would be suicide and just plain face-throwing. So I chose the workshop.

Then WH quit after welcome tea. I was a bit sad cos we couldn't be in the same cca, and I don't have a friend in guitar anymore. It was full of uncertainty as I was contemplating whether I should quit guitar as well. The indecisive me decided to continue going for workshop first then see how. I felt lonely in guitar cos I don't have friends :( And then it was concert, I felt I screwed it up cos I was nervous, the footstool wasn't at the desirable height I want and I didn't dare to alter it, it was my first time performing on this instrument that I had picked up just a few months ago. And then it was music camp. I was undecided whether to continue in guitar, so the indecisive me decided to go for music camp and see how. I chose alto section for sem 2, after contemplating the level of difficulty and hearing WH's opinions. Surprisingly I got into alto 1, I was a bit worried as there were runs in the scores usually, I couldn't even "walk" in guitar, let alone perform the runs accurately. I did not have much friends apart from my fellow workshoppers, and was glad I had someone to bunk with me when other main ensemble year 1s had their friends.

I got to know the whole ensemble during music camp, it's like woah, suddenly I got so many friends. I was apprehensive as cliques might have been formed and it will be hard to break into one, even so with my personality. Glad that I had a really good sl, HJ, she really helped me a lot. Got to know other people in my section too, like the other year 1s, but didn't talk to them much too cos I was apprehensive. Didn't really talk much with YY and HZ haha, talked more with A cos we were from the same major. Could still remember my first sectionals, I didn't know how to tune my alto and didn't dare to ask cos it's too embarrassing. Subsequent sectionals were not really useful in my opinion cos I can't read notes. There was this time during mini ensemble when YY had to go prepare the games, and HJ was playing alto cembalo, so I was left to solo alto 1 parts for misato. Ended up the song had no melody and I was so embarrassed lol. The bonds with the ensemble grew from there and I felt more like a part of the family rather than some outcast workshop person.

Then it was time for elections and agm. It was made mandatory that all the year 1s run for positions, which some people pulled out in the end anyway. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be, I was also concerned about my own guitar maturity as well. I ended up writing anything for the interview form, then changed it to treasurer. Afterall, I had wanted to be a treasurer for some time since running for the alpha hc in jc (I wanted to be secretary, but cos I can't write fast enough I decided to go for treasurer instead hahaha, which I didn't get in the end too) and then filled in the next 2 positions with secretary and publicity secretary. I made my speech, not sure who will vote for me. I remembered I felt I didn't give a satisfactory answer for some questions directed to treasurer and I thought "it's a flop, treasurer is gone". After that was waiting for the vote counting and final verdict, I remembered praying silently and then left it all to God/ fate.When I saw S's name at the treasurer column, my heart sank, so I didn't manage to get into the comm afterall. And then I got a surprise when they scrolled down even further and I saw my name at the pubsec column, along with my future partner's. I didn't know what to feel, happy? Sad? I felt that I had robbed other deserving candidates of their choices, especially SY, since she had prior photoshop experience, and likes to design. I had no confidence that people will vote for me to be the ps, since it was my third choice and I didn't speak much about it during the elections. I overheard some people saying they voted for SY as ps and that made me doubt myself even further. Did people really vote for me or did the previous comm "exercised their discretion"? I was also unsure of myself, whether I will be a good ps, I don't have the relevant skills. I wasn't sure whether I will be a good partner to B, I don't want to let her down, or let the rest of the comm down. I was thinking should I pull out and let them re-elect another ps, who is more capable than me.

In the end, I decided, since it is already fixed, I shall just do my best and not let everyone down. It will be a rewarding experience, and I have a partner! The idea of having someone to share your woes and stress is heartening, even though at that time, I don't really know B very well and hasn't talked to her much. I wasn't sure how our working relationship will be like, I hope she is a pleasant person! And so, here I am now, thanking God/ fate for the events that led me to be here. Our first concert is good and the second one will be better. Maybe one day I will write a post about my comm life/ ps life. I have a great ps partner, caring friends and supportive seniors. I feel loved, something which I really wanted but never really experienced in drama, not even chinese drama. So I gladly emphasize, joining guitar ensemble is one of the best things that has happened to me <3

This made me not want to leave, I'm really undecided. Seeing the graduated/ graduating seniors reminisce about their happy times in guitar made me sad and not want to leave. Let's see where fate will bring me and my undecisiveness to.

Inked @ 3:02 AM | 0 Opinions